Dr. Vorp · Personnel file

Dr. Vorp

Subject
Dr. Vorp
Age
???
Occupation
Menacing analyst
Known for
Eating your leaguemates' souls
Last seen
Living rent-free in your leaguemates' brains
Status
Awake
Hobbies
  • Knowing ball
  • Grinding tape
  • Trolling leaguemates
  • Anointing league-winners

Dr. Vorp reads every matchup, draft pick, trade, and waiver claim your league has ever recorded, and then answers whatever you ask. Who owns you head-to-head. Whether a keeper is worth the round it costs. Whether anyone has drafted a QB in the first five rounds and won the league that same year. He is slower than a search engine and less gracious than a friend — but neither of them has read your league.

Enter the lair